More to Labor

I know when I was pregnant the primary focus was on my and my daughter’s physical health – and with good reason. It’s obviously extremely important to be sure that mother arrives at the hospital in the best condition possible and that she and baby leave doing just as well as before. Now that I have put some years between myself and my last pregnancy (and am hoping for another in the near future), I wonder why there was so much emphasis on physical health versus mental, emotional, and spiritual health all through pregnancy.

Sure, there are the obligatory baby blues questions postpartum, but beyond the glancing, “Do you want to hurt yourself or your baby,” quips, there isn’t much obvious concern regarding how the mom-to-be or new mom is feeling regarding the whole experience. It feels as if what we go through on an emotional level is quite secondary to the physical experience of being pregnant, laboring, giving birth, and becoming a new parent.

There is more to pregnancy and labor.

There is more to being pregnant than simply trying to stay healthy and doing whatever your doctor/midwife tells you to do to deliver your baby. Pregnancy is, when you think about it, a rare event in your life. It may very well happen only once. Why waste that precious time by letting yourself simply go through the motions? The end goal of a pregnancy isn’t to “just” birth a healthy baby, but to birth a healthy new mom who feels fulfilled and satisfied with her pregnancy and labor.

Imagine being a mother who has an idea of how she would like her labor to go, but everything goes awry. She feels thwarted and misunderstood, silenced. The ordeal of labor was long, difficult, and exhausting. And now she sits in her hospital bed with a beautiful baby in her arms, emotions mixed. Of course, she is overjoyed that the very gift she had been dreaming of for all that time has finally arrived, squirming in her arms. But, on the other hand, she feels unsettled by everything she has dealt with hours (maybe even days) previously. It’s not at all what she wanted, but feels guilty about saying anything, because, how could she? The end result is perfect: her healthy baby. And, if she does, perchance, voice her discontent, many people are likely to say, “But all that matters is a healthy baby.”

But that’s simply not true.

How you feel about your labor matters tremendously, and if you’re the woman mentioned above, you may find it much more difficult to pick up and go on with your life as a new mother feeling so out of sorts about your labor experience. Labor satisfaction is simply one more factor in how you feel about your new role in life, and if labor satisfaction is high, it’s one more point against postpartum depression, helps you feel more relaxed about nursing your new baby, and gives you just a bit more confidence as a mother.

How can you try to have a satisfactory labor?

There is nothing about pregnancy and labor that is terribly predictable. You can read and plan and prepare as much as you want, but you have to still be open to the fact that something is NOT going to go according to plan.

And that’s tip number one:
1.) Terribly cliche, but expect the unexpected. If you are open to the fact that you may not have things go just the way you want, then the happier you’ll be. Obviously, if there are things you really feel you must or must not have (no epidural, getting to use the in room tub/whirlpool, skin to skin immediately after birth, etc.), then discuss them with your doctor, insist on them if there is resistance. BUT also understand that some things may be medically necessary or are hospital policy and there is no good way around them.

2.) I know I just said reading and planning and preparing don’t guarantee anything, but they are helpful. Knowledge is power. The more you know about pregnancy and birth (and I’m talking about the basic stuff, not the nitty, gritty details or every little thing that could go wrong) the more you can advocate for yourself and your baby and speak intelligently about what you want.

3.) Don’t take birth stories you hear/read too much to heart. Women seem to love to tell their birth stories. There’s something evolutionary about it, this need to share sacred knowledge. That said, each story is going to be tinged with a woman’s personal recollection and emotions. They’re going to feel strongly about certain parts (good and bad) and will tell that part of the story as such, possibly leaving the listener feeling a bit taken aback, either in awe or fear. Don’t compare what you want your experience to be to what someone has or hasn’t had themselves. It’s pointless, because, no matter what, your experience will be different, whether you want it to be or not.

4.) Talk to the people involved. If you have a picture of how you want your labor to go, talk to the folks (as much as you can) who are going to be there. Make sure your partner is on board with what you want and that he/she does some of the reading and research with you, too. If you want, make a short and sweet birth plan to give to your doctor/midwife before labor and talk to them about what you’d like to do (but don’t have wicked high expectations – doctors/midwives are busy, they may not remember every detail). If everyone is at least sort of on the same page (or at least the same chapter), then a satisfactory labor is more likely to occur.

5.) Hire a doula. Doulas are proven to help improve labor satisfaction, partially because they are a large source of the knowledge you can garner over the course of your pregnancy regarding labor. Also, they are a huge source of physical and emotional support for both you and your partner, are completely on your side, and know how to bridge the occasional gap between mother and caregiver. A doula is often that last, crucial piece of a puzzle to help pull a labor together and can help make it to be the experience you desire. That said, no doula, myself most definitely included, cannot guarantee a birth experience.